Times to be Forgiven
by ReWriter15
Summary: He made a horrible mistake, and he so desperately wishes to make it up... But when a serious accident arises, he realizes the one way to be forgiven. Character death, M for adult themes and some bits of language, One Shot


**Okay, I thought of this while watching a _really_ boring movie, and so I just grabbed the keyboard and started to write!  
Hope you enjoy!**

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He sat there on the couch before the fire, watching her as she sat on the broad window sill, looking after the falling rain drops that pelted against the glass window.

She had one leg hanging down, and one pulled up to her chest, both arms wrapped around it. Face averted, he could only see her hair, in its brown and brushy, curly rather, glory.

He smiled at the thought, but then frowned immediately. He hadn't a right to that.

_Would she ever forgive me?_ He wondered, staring hatefully at the fire, willing it to burn hotter, _Could she find it in her heart to forget my dreadful mistake?_

He doubted it. She was innocent, but Merlin, she wasn't stupid. Not like Pansy, no, Pansy would even believe him if he said he was Voldemort… Brainless nit…

"It'll be Christmas soon." Her clear voice spoke out suddenly, breaking the tension.

He looked in her direction, her voice echoing in his mind like a scream in an empty stone chamber, "Yes… I suppose it will be." He replied.

She bowed her head, looking at her silk pajamas, dotted with yellow stars amidst a dark blue background. For awhile, neither said anything.

He so very much wanted to get up off the couch and hug her smaller form tightly to him. He wanted to stroke her hair and breathe in her scent, never to let her go. But most of all, he wanted to say how sorry he was, and to have her forgive him. That was what he wanted the most.

But she… She had let him go. She had left him to decide his own course in life without her. She wanted none of it now. Not like before.

"You'll leave for the holidays, to see your mother, to visit your father, am I right?"

He nodded slowly, "You are."

"And you'll know, to not come back here. To leave me in peace." She looked at him, chocolate cinnamon eyes brimming with unshed tears that begged to fall. She didn't speak in a questioning tone, there was no indication that she had made a mistake in her words… And he knew and felt the slight flicker of hope behind her words.

That stung him immensely.

He felt sick, with his heart clenching, his stomach churning, and his skin turning cold and clammy despite the fire.

Oh, what he wished she could do to him instead.

Why wouldn't she raise her hand to him like during their third year? Why couldn't she have pinned him to the wall with her wand at his neck, a ready encyclopedia of hexes and curses clear in her mind. Why wouldn't she scream at him with a pitch barely audible but still loud enough to surpass a banshee's?

She was far too strong for that. She wasn't weak. She wouldn't drown him in her hate. Rather, she would make him wallow in his own pool of self-pity, knowing that if they had a verbal fight, he could equal her, and any physical offenses she would attempt to throw, he would be able to hold off without a hitch. No, she needed him to suffer just like she was, so that he could feel the inner pain that was tearing her beautiful heart apart.

He looked away from her, and back to the fire, letting the flickering flames reflect in his eyes that showed no emotion for the sake of his pride, "I cannot promise." He said finally after a moment.

He heard her stand, and heard her light footfalls on the hardwood floor as she left, not wanting to argue any further, because she knew that if they did, she'd just end up choking on her tears and he'd still be there on the couch, visibly unaffected, like how he seemed to be now.

But he could hear her unspoken words that were bound to leave those lips he loved so dearly, _But you must. You cannot expect me to just sit here and forgive you for your actions, to forget what I felt when I saw you, and to _lie_ to myself over and over again. Honestly, Dra- Malfoy, do you believe I'm that easy?_

He shook his head, then leaned back into the sofa, crossing his arms over his chest. How he hated himself. How he hated her strength. How he hated everything at the moment.

What had started it all?

He shook his head as he remembered.

It was to be their wedding day. The day where the two of them would be bound to each other lawfully as well as emotionally…

But he was scared. He wasn't yet ready to marry, and he realized that on the day of their wedding. Merlin, he just wasn't ready to marry yet, though he did want to spend the rest of his life with her.

But what was the difference?

A hundred things!

He was under so much stress, and he had a terribly large intake of the finest champagne that they were to reserve until the party… And then he went off to shag one of the guests… just twenty minutes before the ceremony was to take place.

Gods, he had a year to think about their marriage! But he cracked at the last moment!

He was despicable.

He remembered how insanely red Weasley had gotten, how Potter wouldn't even spare him a glance… And Hermione, darling Hermione, standing there at the door in her pure white dress, looking every bit the angel he knew she was… Stricken and absolutely broken like a priceless glass doll that had suddenly found itself shattered on the marble floor below.

He wished the twins had allowed their brother to clobber him. He wished the two eldest Weasley brothers hadn't held the twins back from boxing him. He wanted Potter to glare at him from behind those stupid glasses.

But most of all…

He wanted Hermione to scream at him, to beat him senseless, to cry her heart out at what he had done.

But she just stood there, crying silently behind her bouquet, eyes staring directly into his, only to shift over to the wasted woman on the floor beside him. Then, she just stepped into the room, grabbed the door handle, and just closed the door quietly for modesty's sake.

He didn't see her for two weeks after that incident, and during that time, he received howler after howler from many various people, mostly from Mrs. Weasley, and even the twins had sent their own hate mail through specially marked boxes, straight from their shop.

But not a single scrap from her.

The manor was never the same after that.

But, even without the Weasley's help, it wouldn't have been the same without her there.

She showed up suddenly without notice, looking perfectly composed, when she came to retrieve her things. He begged her stop, to listen to him as he apologized, and she did while sitting on a couch in the parlor room, acting as if she was just there on a quick absolutely nothing but business visit.

She listened to him pour his heart out, listened as he pleaded for her to understand.

"All you had to do was tell me, you know… But, in a kinder way than how you had."

That was all she said before standing up, and _accio_ing everything into a bottomless bag the twins had made for similar occasions.

It had been a month after that, and he had convinced her to let him stay just one night with her at her flat in a muggle city, where she stayed before he practically kidnapped her so that she would stay at the manor with him when they were together.

"I've set up the guest room for you, Malfoy, I'm sure you know where it is." She said from the hallway, "I'm off to bed now, and I suggest you do the same."

He couldn't take it any longer, and before she could turn around, he leaped over the couch and took her into his arms, not loosening up his hold even as she struggled against him. He bent to kiss her face and neck fervently and didn't stop even as she voiced her protests.

"Malfoy! Stop this instant! Neither of us have the want to do this-!"

He cut her off by sealing his mouth to hers, swallowing her voice, her breath... Her control.

It didn't take long for her to give up, and soon, he was unbuttoning his pants with one hand and ripping down her pants with the other, needing to feel her again. He needed to renew his memories of having her against him, surrounding him.

He wasted no time on foreplay, and once his pants folded at his ankles and her knickers fell to the floor, he lifted her up and made his way to her room, kicking off his pants so that he wouldn't trip.

He kept her lips in a tight lock with his, not giving her a chance to retreat.

Soon, he had her on the bed beneath him, and her hands lost themselves in his blonde hair. He spread her legs with one hand, and then readied himself before her heated center, the head of his member ready to spear into her at any given moment.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes and said, "I love you, so much." his tone soft but solid, meaning exactly what he said.

Then, he entered, not stopping to give her time to adjust as he just pumped away into her hot velvet walls. She screamed out immediately, though soon quieted down to soft moans, whispering his name, his _first_ name in his ear as he kissed her neck and shoulders like a man finally touching ground after a terrifying flight.

Gods how he missed her!

He treated her skin like cotton candy each time he kissed it, afraid that it would soon dissolve the moment he touched it. He took nothing about her for granted, fearing that she would change her mind at any time and then run from him.

Suddenly, her breathing quickened, and she bumped against him in such a way, he nearly came right then.

"Draco…!"

He kissed her on the lips, and hastened his pace, wrapping his arms around her tightly, and suddenly, she screamed and his vision sparked as they both rode up higher than they ever had before.

On coming back to earth, he pulled away, and felt cold wet streaks on his shirt peel away from his skin.

He looked at her worriedly as she cried, trying to cover her face with her hands.

"Hermione, wh-" he started, then, she shook her head and backed away from him, forcing herself out from under him.

"Oh, Draco… I—I can't-!" she choked and finally, after weeks of holding in her pain and tears… She let go of it all.

"Hermione…" he watched her hopelessly, and when he reached out to comfort her, she swatted his hand away and looked at him, eyes large and hurt.

"Don't, alright?" she started, finding the strength to speak, "I mean, Merlin, Draco, how could you have gone so far? Was it always like that? Is that why you didn't want to marry me?" she curled her legs under her so that she could sit up and look at him properly, "Was it because that was all just sex, I mean-"

Draco wouldn't let her finish as he suddenly lunged forward and cupped her left cheek with one hand and pressed his own cheek against the other, "No! No, it was never just sex, Hermione, I seriously loved you, and I still do!" he said desperately.

He could feel more of her soundless tears fall, and then, she took his hand off her face and pushed him away gently, wanting to look into his eyes.

Brown met gray, and his heart beat wildly in his chest, fearing the worst.

"Then why?" she asked.

She didn't have to explain what she meant by those words, because Draco already knew. But, his mouth was hung open slightly, and yet, no words came out.

That was all she needed. She turned away and closed her eyes, allowing another stream of tears to flow down her face, "I need you to leave now, Draco." She said softly.

He stared at her unbelieving and grabbed at both of her hands, "Hermione, no, don't do this, gods, Hermione, I'll do anything else but-"

"Please, Draco, your silence has told me enough, just leave me alone." She told him, snatching her hands away.

He stared at her for another moment, then turned away, moving to stand up from the bed.

It had been nearly a year, and not a moment passed without him wondering about how his life would be right now if he had just taken it like a real man and married her.

Then, there was a small _pop_ and he turned to see Potter there, hair more disheveled than before, eyes dark and sunken.

"Potter, w-"

Harry cut him off with a single look, then tossed him a letter, the envelope skidding on the surface of his desk.

"Read it later, though take it with you, Malfoy, but now, you should go to St. Mungos, now." He said before apparating away with another _pop_.

Draco looked at the little white envelope, the edges lined with silver and the seal in golden wax, her initials embedded in it.

_Why am I needed at that bloody hospital_? He wondered.

But he wasn't one to ignore Potter, not anymore at least, and the younger man seemed very serious about something.

He apparated to the hospital's lobby, and suddenly saw a giant wave of red hair.

_What the-?_

"There's the damn bloody bastard!"

Draco then saw Ron run up to him and he expected a fight, and was ready to retaliate, until the said person _hugged_ him.

"Weasley?!" the blonde exclaimed, looking at the red-head in confusion, "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Mr. Malfoy?"

Everyone turned to see a nurse in a neat white uniform and clipboard look at them in return.

Draco then raised his hand, "That would be me… Hold on a min. would you?" then he proceeded by pushing Ron off of him, who was starting to cry a monsoon.

_What's his problem?_ He wondered as he followed the nurse.

"You were Ms. Granger's fiancé at one time, am I right?" the nurse asked.

He stiffened at the question then nodded, "I… Was."

She stopped walking suddenly and looked up at him, "Then, you should know this, since, considering your expression, you haven't a clue as to what is going on."

He nodded, "I don't."

She sighed, then motioned towards a room with a single chair, "Please, you may need to sit down."

His eyes narrowed, but he entered the room and took the seat without a word.

She stood in front of him, looking into his eyes steadily, "You know, Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger took to being an Auror, correct?" he nodded and she continued, "Well, for awhile now, there have been some… Physical changes in her, and on her most recent mission, something happened." He continued to stare at her, "Mr. Malfoy, you must know about her recent state, I'm sure."

He blinked at her, "Acutally… She hasn't contacted me in months… Nearly nine, really, so I don't know anything." He leaned forward, "Is she alright?" he asked.

The nurse's composure dropped, and she gasped, lifting the clipboard to her face.

He frowned, "What?"

Then, he saw Harry walk by, and looked at the two. His eyes were now darker than before and Draco swallowed hard.

"She's dead, Malfoy." He said solidly before walking up to him, "Did you read the letter yet?"

Draco blinked and time seemed to freeze as reality sank in.

_She's dead._

Draco shot up from his seat and roared, "Where is she? Where's Hermione?" he demanded, ready to run in any direction.

But Harry shoved him back in the chair and shouted, "Shut up and read the letter you stupid damn git! She's dead and seeing her won't help you much if you don't read the letter!" Harry yelled.

Draco glared at the other man, then reached into his jacket and took out the letter.

Harry then looked at the nurse and nodded, then both left the room, Harry closing the door behind him.

Draco looked at the envelope again, then realized, "It's a Whisperer…" he murmured.

Like a Howler, the Whisperer acts as a vocal message, but only also rips itself into shreds if someone else other than the intended person tried to hear the message. And the Whisperer's use was not for scolding a person, but rather to relay secrets and confidential information…

"Why would she-"

Suddenly, the letter flitted out of his hands and hung in the air. The letter than folded itself into the form of a mouth, and he could clearly hear her sweet voice.

_"Hello, Draco, it's been awhile, I know, and you're probably wondering why I've sent you a Whisperer…"_

He heard her let out a slight chuckle,_ "Well, actually, I've been trying to write to you so many times already. But then I figured that heard words are much better than written ones… Especially with what I have to tell you._

"_Now, Draco, I really don't want anything from you, honestly, and Merlin knows I don't want any money… but I just thought you should know, I'm with child."_

Draco nearly fell out of his chair.

_"Don't freak out on me now, you did it with that terrible trick last time we saw each other. I hope you're sitting down already, I know how you react to surprises… But like I said, I don't expect anything from you, but I do want you to do something."_ He heard her take a deep breath before speaking again, _"Don't try to be a part of our child's life."_

The words pierced through him like a thousand burning arrows.

_"Don't take it so personal, I have a reason for it. You see, I don't what our baby to just ask me one day, 'How come you and Daddy aren't together like the others?' I mean, honestly, what am I supposed to say? I can't say that we aren't together because you cheated on me a moment before our wedding, now can I? I can't say, 'Because, dear, we've had some complications,' because one day, he or she would find out about it, and what do you think our child's view on you would be after that? And I can't lie and say it's just a temporary thing, because I now know how you would act if we became married…"_

He was shaking like mad, head in his hands, and eyes tightly shut as tears tried to leak out.

_"Of course, I'd send you pictures, and write to you often about any upcoming events… I'd let you meet our child, but not as a father." _ She sighed, _"You have to understand, Draco, I'm doing this not for me, but for our baby."_

There was a long pause, and now Draco was crying silently in the chair as the letter floated above him.

_"Oh, Draco, you have no idea how hard it was for me. To take your sudden change, to figure out how I was to live, and now to care for our child… On the day of our supposed wedding, I believe I just died inside. But then when I found that I was pregnant, I realized that I hadn't yet died, for I had to take care of this young one. I don't know yet if it's a boy or girl, so don't pester me with names, alright?_

_"Actually, I have it all planned out. I'd be a single mother, you'd be your normal self, and wouldn't have to worry about a thing…" _she laughed, and Draco felt his heart stick in his throat, _"You know what, I don't even know why I'm bothering you with all of this, I mean, you wouldn't be a part of the baby's life!"_ she cracked, and then he could hear her sob, hear her trying to stop her crying, _"Oh… Draco, why did you have to…"_

The letter folded up and fell to the floor, meaning that was the end of the message. He stared at it for awhile, the letter's image blurring in and out of focus.

Hermione's dead…

Then, his gray eyes widened and he stood up, snatching up the letter as he went. Jerking open the door, he saw the nurse jump and he saw Potter turn to look at him.

"Where's my baby?" he immediately asked.

He saw Harry smile and watched the nurse move away quickly, with him following quickly behind.

She said quite clearly that he wasn't to be a part of their child's life… But if she wasn't there, he was sure the child wouldn't even have a life.

He couldn't make it up to her when she was alive, but if he raised their child properly, if he could show how much he really loved her by loving the child they made together…

Maybe then he'd be worthy enough of her forgiveness, and his cloud of guilt would blow over.

And when he saw their baby girl with bright, confused, steel gray eyes… He felt that he was forgiven already.

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**Enjoy it?  
Yeah, I know Draco ended up being a bit OOC in the hospital's waiting room... But I didn't really want him to be Mr. Cool and Indifferent at that moment... Haha.  
Okay, well, hope you review, and if there're any mistakes, feel free to tell me!  
Thanks for reading!  
**


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